Unlikely Circumstances
by Batsutousai
Summary: Ed and Ling are probably the two LEAST sneaky people Al knows, but they're still trying to hide something from him.


**Title:** _Unlikely Circumstances_  
 **Fandom:** _Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood_ /manga  
 **Author:** Batsutousai  
 **Rating:** Teen  
 **Pairings:** Alphonse Elric/Ling Yao  
 **Warnings:** University AU, language (mostly from Ed, but also a bit from Al), brief mention of pet euthanasia  
 **Summary:** Ed and Ling are probably the two _least_ sneaky people Al knows, but they're still trying to hide something from him.

 **Disclaim Her:** This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by Arakawa Hiromu and various publishers. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

 **A/N:** For FMA Rarepair Week on tumblr. Today's prompts included _Highschool/University AU_ and _"I can explain; It's not what it looks like!"_

kyrianne requested, on the rarepair tumblr, some AlLing, and I'd been having a horrible time figuring out what to do for this day, but that ship just sort of slotted itself in here without a problem, so. Cheers, kyrianne! Here's some AlLing!

You can also read this at Archive of Our Own, tumblr, or LiveJournal.

-0-  
-0-

Explosions from Ed's lab were hardly something to be concerned about – Al tended to feel more worried if he _didn't_ hear at least one explosion on his way across the car park to the sciences building – but his boyfriend's laughter, followed by his brother shouting an intent to cause bodily harm _was_ rather concerning, and Al sighed and sped up a bit, moving through the hallways of the building probably a little bit faster than was safe, but–

Well. The building really wasn't meant to contain some explosions.

He did not, however, throw open the door to his brother's lab, as Ed would have done, or announce his presence with a joke which could be – and all too often was – taken the wrong way, like Ling would have. Instead, he opened the door firmly and cast a general unimpressed look at the occupants.

Ed and Ling both froze – some animal instinct, Al assumed, since it wasn't like he could _really_ chill the air with his disapproval, like Ling swore – and then slowly turned to look at him, guilty for a moment before–

"He started it!" they both shouted, pointing at each other, because they were actually a couple of five-year-olds.

(Some days, Al wondered what it said about him that he loved them both.)

" _I_ ," Ling said, straightening and putting on airs, "would _never_ stoop so low as–"

"Who're you calling a dwarf, you pompous _baboon_?!"

" _What did you just call me_?!"

"Arse-scratcher!"

"I'm going to–!"

Al strode into the room and grabbed both of their ears, since they were more than close enough to manage it, and yanked hard, to a chorus of pain. "Both of you shut it, before I make you kiss and make up," he threatened.

They both went pale, Ling making what he swore was some sort of sign against evil – Ed seemed to think it was an insult of some sort in sign language, but it wasn't like he knew for certain, so Al just chalked that up to his usual issues – while Ed's eyes sort of skittered off to one side, away from both Al and Ling.

One day, Al might actually kill both of them, just for his own sanity. No court would convict him.

"Do I want to know?" he had to ask as he let them go, even though almost two years' experience said he was probably better off not asking.

"I can explain!" Ed offered, sounding a little bit panicked, at the same time as Ling said, "It's not what it looks like!"

And then they traded wide-eyed looks.

Al narrowed his eyes, suspicious.

"He was about to explode something!" Ling insisted, at the same time as Ed complained, "He was touching my stuff!"

Al had a headache. He knew he shouldn't have asked.

They traded looks again, and Ling quickly clarified, "I touched something to keep him from exploding stuff!" while Ed quickly nodded.

 _They were up to something._ The pair of them _never_ agreed on their story. Al usually had to separate them to get anything close to the truth, which meant they were hiding something.

Al turned, casting his eyes over the mess of papers and books and expensive scientific equipment that made up his brother's lab, trying to spot anything that looked out of place. Which should have been impossible, in the mess, but Al had been sorting through his brother's messes since before he could remember.

And then Ling's arm wrapped around his shoulders and a kiss was pressed against his cheek, and Ling said, "I was thinking dinner. Something nice, quiet. Good food. _Just the two of us_ ," as he started moving Al toward the door.

"Fuck you too, your royal shitshow," Ed called back, clearly aware that the last bit had been a dig at him; Ed _loved_ good food, especially good food that was both expensive and not being paid for with his money.

But, notably, Ed didn't try to tag along, which meant Al wouldn't be finding whatever hints might be in the lab if he came back later. And, if Ed was smart – and he _was_ , even if he was a bit stupid when it came to social interaction – he wouldn't bring any sign of his and Ling's plotting back to the flat. More likely, he'd pass it on to one of their other friends to hide – assuming this plotting could be shared with others; Al might just search Ed's room anyway – and Al would just have to wait to find out the hard way.

Killing the pair of them was sounding better by the minute.

-0-

Al did not, in fact, find any signs of suspicious plotting in Ed's room, and all of their friends – at least, the ones Ed was most likely to trust – denied any knowledge of plotting against him. He kept finding Ling in Ed's lab when he came by, the two of them usually arguing at top volume, and neither of them willing to explain the real reason behind their arguments, even when he got them alone, though they _did_ get a little better about hiding that they were lying to him. And Ling always ushered him out before Al could spot anything interesting in the lab, tempting him with dinner or the cinema or, a little over a week from the first time he'd caught them:

"How about we visit the pet shelter? You love visiting with the kittens."

"Cats?" Al breathed before he could remind himself that he was _done_ with letting himself be distracted from whatever they were hiding. Because he _desperately_ wanted a cat, but Ed had always refused, citing expenses, or space, or _time_. So they didn't have a cat, and Al comforted himself with visits to the local shelter.

Ling smiled and nodded. "It's been a while since you've gone, right? I bet there's all sorts of new ones for you to befriend."

Ed let out a disgusted noise behind him and muttered, " _Great_. Cat fur in the flat again."

Al scowled at that a bit – first Ed's _hiding things from him_ , and now he has the _audacity_ to complain about Al's love of cats? – and reached out to take the hand Ling was holding out to him. "I think a visit to the shelter would be _excellent_!" he declared. "I'm going to hold the furriest, most likely to shed cat I can find!"

Ed groaned, Ling grinned, and Al stalked from the lab feeling rather victorious; he might not have found out what Ling and Ed were plotting, but he still got the chance to punish his brother for it.

-0-

Most of the cats that were there _were_ new – the shelter had an excellent turn-around, probably because of where they were located and the wide front-facing windows with a view of the animals – and there were quite a few kittens, but Al, like always, eventually found himself standing in front of the cage of one of the cats who'd been there nearly the entire three years Al'd been visiting. She was probably the most standoffish cat Al had ever met, hissing and batting at people who got too close, but the first time Al had seen her was at feeding time, when her squeaky little meow had drawn his attention from the more friendly cats. So long as she had food – or had just eaten – she was a sweetheart, purring and rubbing against anyone that came near her.

Al called her 'Squeaker', but the name her original owners had given her – before they'd brought her in to trade for a _kitten_ – was Shady, likely for her black and white coat.

"Hey, Squeaker," Al said, pulling a couple of treats out of the bag in his coat pocket and pushing them through the bars before she could start hissing.

She considered them for half a second, then gobbled them up and nudged against the fingers he held through the bars toward her, purring.

Since it was clear she was in a good mood, Al unlatched the cage door and patted his lap. She stared for a moment, still purring, but her tail lashing, before finally stepping out onto his legs and making a beeline for the opening of the treat bag.

Al laughed and caught her with one hand. "You can't have them _all_ ," he chided her, even as he pulled a couple more out and held them out in the middle of his palm.

She immediately went after them, her purr strengthening, and, once she'd finished, Al started scratching the black patch of fur of her chin to distract her from going after the bag again.

Ling chuckled as he knelt next to him, hand brushing along his back. "I should have known I'd find you over here," he commented, before holding his free hand out to Squeaker. "Hello, little lady."

Squeaker sniffed at his fingers, glanced up to eye him for a moment, then deigned to bump her nose against his hand.

Ling chuckled again, gently scratching along the side of her mouth and jaw the way Al had once taught him to do, both because most cats really liked it, and because it helped to stimulate their gums and clean their teeth a little bit, which kept them healthier. And Al was all about helping to keep the cats healthy. Especially Squeaker, since she'd let so few people give her scratches.

And then Ling's free hand scratched along at the corner of _Al's_ mouth, and he did his best to elbow his boyfriend without startling Squeaker.

Ling chuckled again, warm and low and a little too close to the sensitive shell of Al's ear for public. "Let me know when you're ready to get food in your _own_ belly, rather than spoiling this lovely lady." The bag in Al's pocket rattled, and Squeaker's attention narrowed in on it, even as Al's _own_ attention was diverted a bit by Ling kissing the outer edge of his ear, then stood.

Somehow, Al managed to gather his wits enough to stop Squeaker from shoving her face into the bag, offering her a couple more pieces as consolation as he murmured to her, "He's far too good at being distracting." He scratched at her chin again, making her lift her head and look away from where the bag was (hopefully) just out of sight. "I _will_ figure out what he and Brother are hiding," he told her, smiling a bit as she ran the side of her head against his fingers. "I won't let them distract me any more. No more promises of food or a film or– _Anything_. I'll employ Winry and Russell to lock them in a cupboard somewhere, if I have to."

Actually, that wasn't a terrible idea. It might end up costing him a bit, because Winry _hated_ going into the science building, but it would be worth it.

He spent another eight minutes or so hatching plans with Squeaker, who seemed quite content to receive the excess of attention. (Al suspected that was due more to the treats he kept sneaking her than anything else, though.)

Once he'd put Squeaker back into her cage and donated the last few treats in his bag to the staff – Rosé shot him a knowing smile as she accepted it, and he tried not to blush at the reminder that he'd given almost half the bag to Squeaker – he met Ling by the doors out. "Quick food, or somewhere they don't care if I'm covered in fur," Al insisted. "I still need to shed all of this on Brother's bed."

Ling laughed and wrapped an arm around him as they stepped out into the early autumn evening chill. "I completely support this plan."

Al rolled his eyes, because _of course_ Ling did.

They ended up is a little hole-in-the-wall sandwich shop that Al and Ed had stumbled across when they'd got lost their second day in town, and ended up both falling in love with, between the cheap prices and the good food. Ling neither loved nor hated the place, so far as Al could tell, which meant he'd eat there with Al without complaint, but he never went on his own.

The lights were on when Al and Ling got up to the flat he shared with Ed, and Al sighed a bit, despairing of the chance to shed cat fur all over his bed. (Well, Ed couldn't completely stop him from dropping clumps in his room, which was better than nothing.)

Al was carefully slipping off his coat – intending to rush into Ed's room and shake it out in there – when he heard a thud from the kitchen, followed by Ed snapping, "Fucking _ow_ , you _shit_ ," and then a very familiar squeaking meow.

Al dropped his coat, staring in disbelief as first Squeaker – looking rather pleased with herself – and then Ed stepped out of the kitchen.

"Your goddamn cat is a fucking holy terror," Ed informed him, glowering after her.

Al crouched down and held out a hand toward Squeaker, which she walked over to and sniffed for a moment, before butting her head against the tips of his fingers. "What're you _doing_ here?" he breathed at her, even as he scratched along the side of her mouth.

"Happy fucking birthday," Ed deadpanned. When Al looked up at him, he was smiling, a little bit crooked, but every bit as fond as every smile Ed gave him.

"My birthday's not for two more months," Al had to point out.

"And how much harder would you have tried to find out what we were up to, had you suspected it was for your birthday?" Ling asked as he crouched down next to him, fingers combing through his hair.

Al leant into the touch the same way Squeaker was doing to his own hand, and he smiled a bit helplessly as he admitted, "I suppose."

Ed sighed and walked forward, crouching down behind Squeaker and tugging lightly on her tail. When she twisted to glare at him, he flashed her a grin, then scratched firmly under the purple collar Al hadn't even noticed until that moment. "Honestly," Ed said as Al tried to turn the collar to find the tag, "Rosé flagged me down a couple weekends ago. I guess they have a rule about how long they keep animals in the shelter before they euthanize them, and this one was coming up on that date. And, well, she knows how much you love her, and she wanted to know if there was any way we could take her. Ended up having to involve Ling to pay for the adoption fee and shit."

Al found the tag and barely managed to read the _'Squeaker Elric'_ cut into the metal through his tears. Because he had the absolute _best_ brother and boyfriend in the whole world; they'd bought him a cat to save her life, because they knew he'd be sad if she was gone.

" _Thank you_ ," he choked out.

"Tears are _your_ department," Ed insisted, making a hand-wavy motion toward Ling. "Actually, better yet, cry on the cat; pretty sure that's the closest we'll ever get to giving her a bath."

Al laughed and turned to hide his face against Ling's chest, because he supposed he could bow to Ed's weird fear of tears. Just this once.

.


End file.
